This week has marked another ‘milestone week’ for the state of Victoria.
This week online schooling began AGAIN for children across our State.
Whatever our political view, there is no denying that the impact these lockdowns are having on our ourselves and our children, are long lasting and powerful, to say the least.
As humans, we are genetically wired to need control. This past year most of the control that we as humans crave has been swept away from under us. Jobs that were secure are no more, freedom as we know it has changed, travel has basically been abolished and the ability to predict the future and control our daily lives has been erased.
The collective and ongoing trauma that we continue to experience cannot be underplayed.
Last Friday, as Dan Andrew announced the snap lockdown, it undoubtedly triggered feelings and memories from last year. This is real PTSD. It can feel overwhelming and uncontrollable. It is also known that negative events that are repeatedly experienced are more often harder to navigate.
Yet as I sat next to my grade 3 son during his online classes today, I couldn’t help but marvel at the resilience of his classmates and himself. For the most part, they were involved, they were enthusiastic and despite all agreeing that they would rather be at school, they tackled the day with smiles and positivity.
Without spelling it out, these kids reminded me that the power of our mind, the ability to cope and to tackle challenges is something that we all can do, that we must do, even when we no longer feel that we can or want to.
Yet, I also know that there are thousands of children, for whom today was overwhelming and scary. It was a day that many dreamt they would never have to face again and for some it was too much to bare.
The important message to give to our children is that despite the collective grief we are experiencing, as individuals, we are going to experience this time differently. Our thoughts, feelings, and actions will each be unique.
It is ok to feel despondent, it is ok to feel hopeless but it is also ok to feel relaxed and enjoy the time alone. The most important part is to recognise the array of emotions that we feel and know how to manage these in a constructive way.
We need to find the inner strength as parents to turn this time into a positive learning experience for our children. These are lessons that we may not have wanted our kids to learn at a young age, but in fact they are valuable lessons for life. We are strong and our minds have an incredible ability to provide us with the courage and power to move forward whatever the circumstances. Remember, as much as our children learn from us, we can learn from them too.
And if as parents, we are finding this too hard, that is ok too. That is a sign that we too may need help. This help may come from chatting to a spouse or a parent, a work colleague, a friend or a health care professional. It is important to differentiate what we tell our kids to being able to debrief with other adults about our feelings.
Our kids model their behaviour on ours, so now is the time for some inner reflection, to notice that what our kids need is for us to be ok too. This past year has taught us that we are resilient individuals and communities, and that to find our inner strength and to help our kids tap into this is vital and achievable.
Tomorrow is a new day and as my 8-year-old said to me at bedtime. ‘Today was actually ok mum, and tomorrow will be too, I just know it.’ And I believe him, I really do.
Dr Tammy Tempelhof
Clinical Psychologist